As I begin to sit and write a blog post that's long overdue, it's about 7:30 PM here in Bloomington. I really should be doing homework, but I'm feeling rather inspired this evening, and have a few things I need to externally process...and thus, I am choosing to write. I also tend to ramble, and have a sense that this post is going to include quite a bit of rambling. Should you choose to read on after this paragraph, buckle up.
I wouldn't trade the fact that I was raised in a Christian (in the fully legitimate sense of the word) home for anything. Although I think it did take some time before my faith was truly my own, my walk with Christ continues to be spurred on by the truth and wisdom that was spoken into me by my parents and others from a young age. By God's grace, I am a testament to the fact that "training up a child in the way he should go" (Proverbs 22:6) can produce eternal dividends (thanks, Mom and Dad☺).
At the same time, I do think that there is value in taking time to make sure that our familiarity with Christ doesn't turn into complacency towards Christ. Too often, I find myself using the wealth of "head knowledge" I've accumulated over the years as an excuse to stop short of developing the holy affections and desires to which we're all called. Specifically, I often find that I allow my (supposed) familiarity with Scripture from really allowing me to approach the Word with the sense of reverence and anticipation that God desires. This year, however, has been different...for reasons that I can only attribute to the grace of God, I have found myself slowly shedding my surface-level understanding of the Word for real, Holy-Spirit inspired times alone with the Lord.
And boy howdy, that has been something. Because there are a multitude truths scattered throughout the Bible that are....for lack of a better word, hard to swallow. Specifically, I have been repeatedly challenged by the radical commitment to discipleship that I have come to believe Jesus asks of all who decide to follow Him. Examples:
"Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."-Matthew 10:37
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."-Matthew 16:24-25
It's easy to qualify these passages with comforting euphemisms about the meaning of the word "cross"...but if you look at them in their proper context, the meaning is clear: Jesus is asking for our all. Our health, our wealth, our reputation, our jobs, our education, our friends, our stability, our comfort, our spouses, our parents, our kids, and even our very lives...Jesus tells us that if we want to be his disciple, we must be willing to (1) love him more than all these very lovable things and (2) be willing to sacrifice them for the sake of His kingdom if necessary. It's easy to talk about this on a theoretical level, but I challenge you to pick one of those categories, think of a specific example that fits, and ask if (1) you love Jesus more than whatever that thing is and (2) you would be willing to give it up if Jesus asked you to. If you're like me, that exercise will get convicting very quickly.
I really began to come to grips with these teachings at the beginning of this school year, and quickly ran into a buzz-saw of doubt and confusion. Why didn't I love Jesus in the way that he asks us to? Why would he ask me to place Him above relationships that I feel as if I need? How can I authentically love Him when I feel like He's demanding something that I can't give? These questions were hard to ask, and began to shake me from a sense of complacency I had allowed to settle in during the previous months.
Slowly, God began to reveal yet another layer of truth. I began to realize that I did know people who loved Jesus with the same intensity and fervor that He spoke of...and they weren't doing it out of obligation, they were doing it out of sheer delight. The individuals in my life that I really did believe would give their all for Jesus were not acting out of a sense of fear, guilt, or obligation...they were so overwhelmed with love for God that He became the preeminent focus of their very existence. In fact, they sounded a lot like Paul when he said:
"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him..."-Philippians 3:7-9a
Here, too, Paul seems to be indicating that he has found Jesus so infinitely satisfying and rewarding that everything else simply pales in comparison.
I quickly put 2 and 2 together and figured that if I seemed to be having trouble loving Jesus to the extent I knew I should, it must be because I didn't have a high enough view of Jesus...His worth, His beauty, His satisfaction, and His love. So, I began praying that God would reveal his "surpassing worth" to me...that He would show me his goodness in a way that utterly captivated the deepest of my affections.
I sought this out in a few different ways, mostly by looking for passages about God's character within the Word itself. Over the past few months, I have learned wonderful lessons about God's provision (Matthew 6:33), protection (Isaiah 43:1-7), faithfulness (Romans 8:31-39), power (Ephesians 3:14-21), and love (1 John 4:16-18). There were moments when I felt overwhelmed by these individual attributes, where I began to feel my love for Jesus growing deeper...and yet, it still felt incomplete. No matter what specifically I tried to absorb, there was a distinct feeling that I was missing something-that I wasn't grasping the full picture. For every one step forward, it was 0.99 steps backward. It was frustrating, and continued to happen.
And then, there was this weekend.
As I sat in my (Bloomington) home church (yay, ECC!) during Good Friday service, I was struck by how long it had been since I had actually contemplated the crucifixion. Like, I actually couldn't remember the last time that I stopped to really meditate on the actual act of the Son of God being nailed to a cross, literally becoming sin despite knowing no sin himself, and in doing so paying the immeasurably great debt of all those who believe. Despite the fact that I only have any hope of forgiveness whatsoever because of the perfect sacrifice of Jesus, to my calculation it had been months since I had given the crucifixion the time of day.
The same goes for the resurrection. As I sat in church this morning and celebrated the most important day in all of human history, I guessed that the last time I stopped to ponder the act of Jesus literally triumphing over death, sin, and hell forever and in doing so ensuring that I will spend eternity experiencing unfathomable bliss in the presence of God was...last Easter. The irony here is almost stupidly rich. As I have asked God to give me a more complete picture of his character, I have neglected to turn even a smidgen of attention to the two most consequential manifestations of his character: the crucifixion and resurrection.
For as deeply theological as Paul seems to get at times, he frequently tries to bring our attention back to "the events of Holy Week." In fact, he tells the church in Corinth that if they neglect these truths, their belief amounts to nothing:
"Now, brothers and sisters, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.
For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve.-1 Corinthians 15:1-5
Clearly, Paul seems to think that out of all the things he's taught the Corinthians, the basic truths of the crucifixion and resurrection are the most important. This is the case for a number of reasons...and as my puny little brain finally came to realize during church this morning, chief among them is that the true character of God is on full display both at the cross and at the empty tomb.
The justified wrath of God toward sin is present at the cross.
The holiness and justice of God are present at the cross.
The unfathomable mercy of God is present at the cross.
God's love for even his enemies is present at the cross.
and...
The hope of Jesus Christ is present in the empty tomb.
The unshakable promise of eternal life is present in the empty tomb.
The guarantee that, someday, God will wipe every tear from our eyes and right every wrong that has ever happened to us is present at the empty tomb.
The death of death is present at the empty tomb.
This is our God. This is our God dying so that we may live. And this is our God giving himself to those he knew would spurn him regardless. And when I move from abstract discussions about God's character to contemplating the actual act of death, resurrection, and what it all means for me...I think that, just maybe, I can feel my heart starting to love Jesus in the way I've been searching for for so long.
I'm in a group chat with some friends here at IU that's entitled "Easter People." The name is clever, and is indicative of exactly what I think I want to become. I want to love Jesus with all that I am...and the only way I will ever be able to do that is to internalize the truth of Easter within myself to the point where it informs how I see the rest of reality. If A.W. Tozer is right that "What comes to mind when we think of God is the most important thing about us", then I'd like to add the slight addendum that what comes to mind when we think of Easter might be the second most important thing about us.
So yes, I am still seeking to love Jesus to the extent that he calls me to. And yes, I am seeking to do this by asking Him to increase my view of His character. But now, I want to do that by drinking deeply from not who I think God is, but who I know He is because of what He has done.
I want to become an Easter Person. Will you join me?
I wouldn't trade the fact that I was raised in a Christian (in the fully legitimate sense of the word) home for anything. Although I think it did take some time before my faith was truly my own, my walk with Christ continues to be spurred on by the truth and wisdom that was spoken into me by my parents and others from a young age. By God's grace, I am a testament to the fact that "training up a child in the way he should go" (Proverbs 22:6) can produce eternal dividends (thanks, Mom and Dad☺).
At the same time, I do think that there is value in taking time to make sure that our familiarity with Christ doesn't turn into complacency towards Christ. Too often, I find myself using the wealth of "head knowledge" I've accumulated over the years as an excuse to stop short of developing the holy affections and desires to which we're all called. Specifically, I often find that I allow my (supposed) familiarity with Scripture from really allowing me to approach the Word with the sense of reverence and anticipation that God desires. This year, however, has been different...for reasons that I can only attribute to the grace of God, I have found myself slowly shedding my surface-level understanding of the Word for real, Holy-Spirit inspired times alone with the Lord.
And boy howdy, that has been something. Because there are a multitude truths scattered throughout the Bible that are....for lack of a better word, hard to swallow. Specifically, I have been repeatedly challenged by the radical commitment to discipleship that I have come to believe Jesus asks of all who decide to follow Him. Examples:
"Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."-Matthew 10:37
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."-Matthew 16:24-25
It's easy to qualify these passages with comforting euphemisms about the meaning of the word "cross"...but if you look at them in their proper context, the meaning is clear: Jesus is asking for our all. Our health, our wealth, our reputation, our jobs, our education, our friends, our stability, our comfort, our spouses, our parents, our kids, and even our very lives...Jesus tells us that if we want to be his disciple, we must be willing to (1) love him more than all these very lovable things and (2) be willing to sacrifice them for the sake of His kingdom if necessary. It's easy to talk about this on a theoretical level, but I challenge you to pick one of those categories, think of a specific example that fits, and ask if (1) you love Jesus more than whatever that thing is and (2) you would be willing to give it up if Jesus asked you to. If you're like me, that exercise will get convicting very quickly.
I really began to come to grips with these teachings at the beginning of this school year, and quickly ran into a buzz-saw of doubt and confusion. Why didn't I love Jesus in the way that he asks us to? Why would he ask me to place Him above relationships that I feel as if I need? How can I authentically love Him when I feel like He's demanding something that I can't give? These questions were hard to ask, and began to shake me from a sense of complacency I had allowed to settle in during the previous months.
Slowly, God began to reveal yet another layer of truth. I began to realize that I did know people who loved Jesus with the same intensity and fervor that He spoke of...and they weren't doing it out of obligation, they were doing it out of sheer delight. The individuals in my life that I really did believe would give their all for Jesus were not acting out of a sense of fear, guilt, or obligation...they were so overwhelmed with love for God that He became the preeminent focus of their very existence. In fact, they sounded a lot like Paul when he said:
"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him..."-Philippians 3:7-9a
Here, too, Paul seems to be indicating that he has found Jesus so infinitely satisfying and rewarding that everything else simply pales in comparison.
I quickly put 2 and 2 together and figured that if I seemed to be having trouble loving Jesus to the extent I knew I should, it must be because I didn't have a high enough view of Jesus...His worth, His beauty, His satisfaction, and His love. So, I began praying that God would reveal his "surpassing worth" to me...that He would show me his goodness in a way that utterly captivated the deepest of my affections.
I sought this out in a few different ways, mostly by looking for passages about God's character within the Word itself. Over the past few months, I have learned wonderful lessons about God's provision (Matthew 6:33), protection (Isaiah 43:1-7), faithfulness (Romans 8:31-39), power (Ephesians 3:14-21), and love (1 John 4:16-18). There were moments when I felt overwhelmed by these individual attributes, where I began to feel my love for Jesus growing deeper...and yet, it still felt incomplete. No matter what specifically I tried to absorb, there was a distinct feeling that I was missing something-that I wasn't grasping the full picture. For every one step forward, it was 0.99 steps backward. It was frustrating, and continued to happen.
And then, there was this weekend.
As I sat in my (Bloomington) home church (yay, ECC!) during Good Friday service, I was struck by how long it had been since I had actually contemplated the crucifixion. Like, I actually couldn't remember the last time that I stopped to really meditate on the actual act of the Son of God being nailed to a cross, literally becoming sin despite knowing no sin himself, and in doing so paying the immeasurably great debt of all those who believe. Despite the fact that I only have any hope of forgiveness whatsoever because of the perfect sacrifice of Jesus, to my calculation it had been months since I had given the crucifixion the time of day.
The same goes for the resurrection. As I sat in church this morning and celebrated the most important day in all of human history, I guessed that the last time I stopped to ponder the act of Jesus literally triumphing over death, sin, and hell forever and in doing so ensuring that I will spend eternity experiencing unfathomable bliss in the presence of God was...last Easter. The irony here is almost stupidly rich. As I have asked God to give me a more complete picture of his character, I have neglected to turn even a smidgen of attention to the two most consequential manifestations of his character: the crucifixion and resurrection.
For as deeply theological as Paul seems to get at times, he frequently tries to bring our attention back to "the events of Holy Week." In fact, he tells the church in Corinth that if they neglect these truths, their belief amounts to nothing:
"Now, brothers and sisters, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.
For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve.-1 Corinthians 15:1-5
Clearly, Paul seems to think that out of all the things he's taught the Corinthians, the basic truths of the crucifixion and resurrection are the most important. This is the case for a number of reasons...and as my puny little brain finally came to realize during church this morning, chief among them is that the true character of God is on full display both at the cross and at the empty tomb.
The justified wrath of God toward sin is present at the cross.
The holiness and justice of God are present at the cross.
The unfathomable mercy of God is present at the cross.
God's love for even his enemies is present at the cross.
and...
The hope of Jesus Christ is present in the empty tomb.
The unshakable promise of eternal life is present in the empty tomb.
The guarantee that, someday, God will wipe every tear from our eyes and right every wrong that has ever happened to us is present at the empty tomb.
The death of death is present at the empty tomb.
This is our God. This is our God dying so that we may live. And this is our God giving himself to those he knew would spurn him regardless. And when I move from abstract discussions about God's character to contemplating the actual act of death, resurrection, and what it all means for me...I think that, just maybe, I can feel my heart starting to love Jesus in the way I've been searching for for so long.
I'm in a group chat with some friends here at IU that's entitled "Easter People." The name is clever, and is indicative of exactly what I think I want to become. I want to love Jesus with all that I am...and the only way I will ever be able to do that is to internalize the truth of Easter within myself to the point where it informs how I see the rest of reality. If A.W. Tozer is right that "What comes to mind when we think of God is the most important thing about us", then I'd like to add the slight addendum that what comes to mind when we think of Easter might be the second most important thing about us.
So yes, I am still seeking to love Jesus to the extent that he calls me to. And yes, I am seeking to do this by asking Him to increase my view of His character. But now, I want to do that by drinking deeply from not who I think God is, but who I know He is because of what He has done.
I want to become an Easter Person. Will you join me?
This was amazing and I’m glad you found what you were looking for!
ReplyDelete-Hannah 😘